WCNJ driving school part 2

Good afternoon on this gloomy oregon coast day,


Disclaimer: I don't condone doing these things, they are dangerous and stupid all of which could easily cause a very serious car wreck.  This is written purely for entertainment purposes. I will not be held responsible for your stupidity and negligent activities. 


Today class our lesson will be focused on distractions on the road. These distractions are of course the devils handy work, but alas, he can't be bothered with such small things as causing you to hit a deer or small family pet. That is where I come in. Or more specifically where you, the passenger comes in to all this.

We will start by addressing some of the common distractions on the road. (And how normal society says to avoid them)

As a passenger riding shotgun your responsibilities are endless, think of it back to the olden days of stage coaching when the passenger did actually have a shotgun that they had to use. Except modernize it a little bit. This guide is written for those that truly want to increase their friends driving ability. And shirk all responsibilty, all while having a gay old time with it.

1. The music situation in most cars
-Most people say that music is not a distraction when kept at a low level, this allows you to continue to hear what is going on around you, both in the car and out. The question is, how do we use this to our advantage and allow us to distract said driver?

The answer is quite simple, the unwritten rule is that the driver controls the music.  All you have to do as a passenger is wait until you are on the road and then begin changing settings without the drivers consent. This of course will irk the driver so bad that they will then take their eyes off the road and re adjust the station.

A driver taking their eyes off the road is the core foundation to becoming the king of poor passengers. As their eyes are off the road, proceed to scream at a very high level, tense up and stomp both feet on the floorboard. The driver will then quickly snap to attention, and proceed with evasive driving tactic #1. Usually this is stomping on the brakes, for best effect make sure that no other cars are around and the road is fairly dry.

2. Unbuckle your seatbelt and random intervals
- A driver with a passenger un-buckled can also receive a ticket, as well as you. This will always cause the driver to become furious and frustrated because seatbelt tickets aren't cheap. Keep in mind that you will probably get one as well. Doing this once again takes his/her focus away from the road and on you. It is then at this point that you once again use this to your advantage, do something that could frighten the driver such as  screaming "I'm going to kill us all! and go for the steering wheel."

3. Roll your windows up and down randomly.
- This one works the best when the driver doesn't have a window lock, or they are manual windows. It is pretty self explanatory. But make sure that if it is cold or wet out that you and the person sitting directly behind the window is prepared for such an action. At this point, you need to decide what you will do the driver, but the options are unlimited.

As a backseat passenger sometimes you feel cutoff from the world, obviously there is a good reason. More than likely you are slow, because you couldn't call shotgun in time. But there are still ways that you can get the driver and make their life suck really bad

1. Put your feet in their seat.
-pretty much self explanatory as well.

2. Work as a team with your fellow backseat passenger and play violent games that require roughhousing.
-This one should be pretty obvious

3. Pick fights in the car.
-You are in a confined space and no one can walk away, the driver then has to become referee.

4. Find a long object and poke the driver and passenger
-This will more often than not start a fight

5. Invent your own language/speak in tongues.
-Don't explain it to anyone, it will annoy the crap out of everyone.

There you have it folks, how to annoy/distract the driver to the point where they will want to go insane, it is up to you where you go from there. There is one thing to remember, and that is the driver has the ultimate final word. If you decide to stop for gas, or step into the store, there may not be a car waiting for you when you get back.

Next time class, we will be discussing, counteractions of these measures for the driver. If you utilize those properly, your buddies or girlfriends will never want to play the part of Satan's minions again.

Next class: Driver beat down (How to stop stupid passengers)
Time:         Whenever I feel Like it