Welcome to the first class of the West Coast Nutjob driving school.
Our curriculum is based on only one thing. Common sense on the road.
I don't claim to be the brightest bulb in the box however I have recieved certification from myself to teach this course (They say I'm doing a damn good job), but frankly there are many things that you won't see me doing that involve some level of intelligence, such as reading or well frankly anything that involves significant amounts of brain power to accomplish. Frankly, it hurts my head when I think too much.
But when I was small, and a sponge, my parents were very clear that I needed to have common sense, sometimes this is my downfall, because I can look at something that I am about to do and think "Is this a bright idea, or should I reconsider." Now just because I know that it is a bad idea and DO have some level of common sense doesn't mean I'm not going to do it. It just means that I know that nothing good can come from it.
But doing stupid things that can only harm me is okay, because in reality the only victims would be myself, and potentially my family if I should die when I do make a horrible decision. Most of these they don't know about, and I think it's best that they don't simply because no matter how old you are, you are NEVER too old for an old fashion mother and father "Ass-Chewing" and "Beatdown" usually in my family the roles were reversed with the former coming from my father and the latter coming from my mother.
However, it doesn't excuse the lack of common sense things that OTHER people do that make me look like Eisenstein.
1. Why is riding the tailgate of a tractor trailer ever a good idea?
If they brake hard, then well... you lose
2. Passing on a short passing lane with a blind corner coming up
We get it, your Porsche is fast, but what you should really be concerned about is the speed of the ambulance.
3. The concept of a speed limit.]Those signs aren't just posted for giggles, they represent the speed the law says you need to go.We get it the scenery IS gorgeous, but PLEASE don't slow down to 30mph in a 55mph zone,we have turnoffs, USE THEM, it doesn't make you any less of a man(Besides, some of us want to tailgate trucks and pass on blind corners, I'm am running late after-all)
We get it, your big and scary. But most people anymore carry guns when they drive.. You don't?
Well go to your kids room and go under their beds, more than likely that is where they keep the one that belongs to them. Just remember to keep your prints off of it. That is probably the weapon that they used for the triple homicide that you saw on the news.
5. Arbitrary enforcement of traffic violations.
I have the utmost respect for police officers, they go to work everyday with the thought in the back of their minds that they may not come home. But come on, I get a ticket for not stopping at a cross-walk while the truck tailgating, blind corner short lane passing, Porsche just blew through three red lights and almost hit an old lady in downtown right in front of me,with you in the lane next to me. Don't give me that "I didn't see it" bologna, I know very good and well you saw it.
6. The "Share the road" Bike people
Share the road, not a problem. But that means that you have to obey traffic laws as well, either ride in the street or on a sidewalk. Not whatever you please, if the shoulder gets bumpy and you need to move over into the road, no problem. But use your hand signals, they have them for reason. If I can't suddenly decide that I want to drive on the sidewalk or down the centerline to get around slow moving traffic, then neither can you. Be decisive darn it, now isn't the time to act like a politician on election day. Or I'm going to let the truck tailgaiting, short lane, blindcorner passing, red light blowing idiot in the Porsche have his way with you.
So, now you have it, if you have the radio at a normal level, with your hands at 10 and 2... oh wait... they don't teach that anymore, apparently the airbag can break your wrists in that situation. But if you are in a crash that deploys the airbags, then I am pretty sure that an airbag deploying is the least of your concerns.
The next course will be sometime when I feel like it, the curriculum will be
"Distractions, The Devils Playground" with a sub course for all passengers titled.
"Distractions, How to Do The Devils Dirty Work."
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