The Kids Are Our Future (or a true representation of their parents)

Okay, so I am bound and determined to make this thing popular dammit. (It's going to be like high school all over again, but this time I'll be the cool kid).

I think all small children are cheaters, this makes me quite proud. Because frankly, it is good to see that at least someone in our society cares about what's important... Winning.

All we need to do is get the occupy protesters on board with this idea and then we could have them trying to win against the cops. Or better yet, win against society by getting a job! Either way I look at it, it could end up being fun to watch, and the possibility of either outcome ending in violence is quite high.

Because as Americans, we enjoy violence. We do, hell some genius realized that if two guys were beating the hell out of each other he could charge each person ten bucks and make some serious money, and he laughed... all the way to the bank.

The moral of this story is actually a lot simpler and less random than what I have spewed forth today. If we can get kids to actually care about themselves and want to achieve, instead of all of this Feel-good about yourself crap we are preaching in the schools today then we will have a better tomorrow.

So stop coddling your kids, hand them a pair of scissors and tell them to go run as fast as they can. Darwinism will also take effect here as well, because the smart ones will realize that if you point the pointy end down, then you won't get hurt.

Nutjob out.

pod children

Good evening all,

May you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. But recently, I have discovered that every person has the one family member in their immediate family that falls under the category of "black sheep." When I say black sheep i don't refer to the one person that no one likes, but the one person whom is just either kind of "off" or doesn't fit in with the rest of the family (not in a bad way though).

But with my upbringing being the stereotypical four person middle class family living in a three bedroom, two bath house with two children it doesn't leave whole lot of options. Technically it leaves only myself and my brother to figure out whom the person  may be. From here on out, we will refer to this person as a "pod child" over black sheep. Pod child is sort of our families way of saying "black sheep", and still paying homage to great movies such as invasion of the body snatchers.

Instead of trying to figure this out by writing, concise properly punctuated sentences and paragraphs I have opted to instead go with a list. The trademark of my rants, now used primarily for entertaining the masses without insulting myself or other people.

The list

Political views

Family: Fairly open, focusing on common sense over political party support
Me:     Right wing nutjob
Bro:    Anarchist

That tallies up the score now to one for me, and goose egg for my brother.

Intelligence Quotient:

Family: Smart
Me:     Smart
Bro:     Smart

Total tie there, no points to either side I am still ahead with being more like my family

Crazy factor

Family: Not crazy
Me:     Almost loony bin status (in a good way)
Bro:    Not crazy

So, now it is all tied up I feel like bieng lazy today, so this last benchmark is the ultimate test.

Trade skills

Family: Jack of all trades
Me:      Limited to automotive knowledge
Bro:     Limited to other knowledge

Once again I am unfortunately unable to award any points, thus leaving us at a dead even tie.

There you have it folks, I am now confused. I always felt that I was the pod child. However, anymore I am not so sure, yeah I have tattoos that my grandparents don't really like. But the reality is, is that they don't kick me out of their home for having them, and they accept that as me. Yeah, my brother listens to a lot of weird music. I.E. the crystal method and cage the elephant and believes in complete and total anarchy. But now I'm not so sure, I think my right wing, crazy, rude screwed and tattooed country music loving self evens out my Anarchist, techno loving, slightly hippie brother.

My conclusion is this, we are both "pod children" my parents may have done a little bit TOO good of a job in encouraging us to think for ourselves. I bet now they are kicking themselves, especially when me and my dad are not speaking to each other for a day or two because of some political argument.

Overall, the confusion is this, where did I go wrong. I have now decided that instead of compromising, I am going to shove things down my brothers throat. Not actual things of course, I am not a murderous individual, but things that he should know. Like how to fix his car, that way he can become one tally mark above myself, thus giving me the proud status of "pod child"


-WCNJ

It's a cold one folks

Hello all,

Obviously I haven't written as much recently. Mostly because I have been doing other things, but mostly because my computer has been on the fritz. Anyone know a good computer guy who works for free?

But now that the problem has resolved itself (at least for the time being) EEK! I figured I'd do some writing. Recently it became apparent that I made a lot of negative comments about myself. This realization, and a need to change my writing style may need some tweaking. So please, bear with me while I do some necessary adjusting. Note that writing adjusting is very difficult due to the fact that for some reason my "j" key seems to be fighting me the entire time. Technical difficulties anyone?

So anyway, I figured I'd post and try not to rant this time.

It is cold, I know that, and frankly everyone on facebook wants to tell everyone else. Why? who knows, apparently the cold is getting to everyone, and they are forgetting that we all have eyes. So, for the record everyone, we all have eyes. Well some of us, may not. I guess that is a bad assumption. More specifically, most of us have eyes and some can see that snow is/was falling.

Oh no! Global warming. Everybody grab your Al Gore lookalike and head for your nearest bomb shelter and wait for 2012! This is when the polar bears will learn to talk and assimilate into our culture, slowly turning us all into "Manbearpig."

Okay, so I may be overreacting a tad. But just a tad. Sadly I feel that more people will believe what I have written than what I may think.

But crazy former vice presidents aside, it is cold. And with this cold, sometimes brings snow into our wonderful small community and people go crazy. You would think they have never seen this white fluffy stuff on the ground.

So, due to all of the crazyness. I have decided to create the nutjob "screw you crazy weather" day but it will last significantly longer than 1 day, and will more be an attitude over an actual protest day. So people, and join me in giving the big ol' middle finger to weather which inconveniences our lives!

The nutjob has spoken!

-WCNJ

Running low on ideas

So,

I have decided I need to write some more, I have fallen down on the job and for some reason can't seem to think about what to write.

Do I write about how the TSA and obama administration are violating every basic human right that we have in this country? Nope, I don't feel like having my phone wiretapped.

Do I write about how humans are morons? Nope, I think I have covered that quite thoroughly covered that one, and I need to find a new muse anyway.

But after running through all of the questions in my head I came up with weather.

The reason I decided to focus on weather was well, people always complain about how horrible it is, or how hot it is etc. In other words people never just seemed to be happy with what has been given to them, instead of enjoying a break or change they freak.

But less than that, I am going to focus on how the weather is reported. In the winter on the Oregon coast we have a lot of high winds, and rain. Note,  how I refer to nasty weather. "High winds and rain." This statement follows the very nonchalant attitude we have when it comes to weather, but it doesn't quite describe what goes down. If I were to say gusts of over 100, land slides, snow, road closures, and power outages,  that would be a bit more accurate.

People in other spots complain when there are gusts of 50, but we keep going, people complain when there are landslides, and we just find another way around. Is our attitude probably a little bit dangerous? Oh hell yes! But to quote a mother of someone that I know "You have to be tough to live out west."

So, all of you that complain about weather, come live out here for a little bit. After the 4th day without power, you will be CRYING to go back to where you came from.

There isn't as much humor because I think I am losing my touch, but hopefully writing a bit more will get more people to laugh again.

-WCNJ

Total System Overload

Having a wonderful Saturday?


I am having a fantastic Saturday,  despite my late start I got a lot accomplished. Keep in mind that for me getting a lot accomplished, would consist of things like showering before 2pm.

But despite the late start, this is where "Insert another generic joke about my sleeping habits" would go. Today was a fairly successful day in more of a loose term.

But the real question that I pose to you, is how do we feel accomplished? It brings yet another question to the forefront. Why can we feel so bad when we lay, sit or stand around and continue to do nothing for the entire day (and sometimes for most of a second day).

Is it part of the human condition? No, I just don't see human nature as being sheer laziness, in fact I think human nature would be quite the contrary. I mean do you think that a creature  in the caveman days  that uncontrollably emptied it's bowels to be able to run faster would even begin to understand the concept of laziness? Nope, and if you do then you seriously need to do the world a favor and take a long walk off a short pier.

I don't think that this is a question that is easily answered, and yet I will do nothing to try and do my part to determine the cause. It's not like finding the answer would lead to more productivity at work, better test scores for students, more income, and overall a better quality of life and understanding.

Wait, it would do all of those things, well with the exception of better test scores for students. If we were to look at that graph of increased test scores, we would see that it goes up, when distance to alcohol or controlled substances goes up. So unless we burned down every distillery and weed grow in the world at once... Wait, don't burn down the weed grows, I repeat do not burn down the weed grows.

Think about what would happen if everyone in the world was hight at once. Not a single funyun and hostess product would be left. But if we were to shut down every distillery we would more than likely see an increase in test scores, but frankly I feel as though shutting down distilleries would be long and arduous, as I would never plan on doing anything illegally, and the difficulty of legally entering the brew room, dumping rat feces, and calling the health inspector is a long process. So, I guess college age kids will just have to suffer.

To be completely honest, I like beer, so of all the things you wouldn't see me doing, THAT would be one of them.

So, to everyone interested. Go ahead and be lazy, or be productive frankly I just don't care. Just don't bore me with it. If you do chose to be unproductive with your time, make sure it is for entertainment purposes, after-all I do need some time filler so I can be less productive too.

-WCNJ

Tattoos

Good night all,

I always try and keep my ramblings somewhat socially relevant without ever touching politics or religion, because I don't want my head to end up on a shiny new pike.

At times I begin to wonder what exactly is something that is socially relevant and being somewhat kosher to talk about. I am at least a little bit sensitive to what others believe, yet at the same time I don't give a flying you know what about it all. I think everyone should should keep a button on it, but that is just my cynical viewpoint on life in general. And here I am spilling my thoughts to the world. That is the true definition of irony.

Tattoos, and being that I have them I feel as though it gives me more justification to talk about them then not. Even though I don't normally look for justification, sometimes it is best to explain, that way I don't come across as completely incompetent, and a humongous dolt with several conspiracy theories.

But what  needs to be addressed are certain aspects of tattoos, and the questions that I, a person with visible tattoos get asked on a regular basis. Keep in mind that I only have two that are visible, but that doesn't stop the torrent of never ending idiocy to shine through.

The first and foremost one that I get asked is the trademarked and overly used tattoo question is "Does it hurt?" I always tell myself that I am going to answer that with the answer that is ALWAYS is in my head. It's very rude and curt but I feel that it gets the point across quite well. I would love to answer it like this. "No, it feels great, especially the part where the ink gets injected under your skin at high rpm's." This is of course the answer I would LIKE to give. But I usually end up doing the polite thing of saying "Well, it depends on where it is done at."

Why don't I "man up" and just say it like it is? Who knows, even I, the person who answers it, has no clue.

The next best one I got was from a person who was roughly my age. More snide above anything else, this was an attempt to make me feel bad or more like a "thug" because I have art on my body instead of on a canvas. "Don't you know those things last forever" this time I did fire back with something that I though was an appropriate response to someone who was ignorant and overall a total jerk. "Wait.... the guy told me that this would wash off! Oh...My...God... WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!!" The guy then had one of those smirks that he thought that he had completely gotten to me. I don't think he understands the definition of sarcasm very well. I think my incredibly witty and somewhat quick response was wasted on him.

This one goes without giving an active scenario setup. "Have you ever thought about getting them removed?" Uh, how bout no, I made the decision of getting this done with the knowledge that they would be here to stay. I don't intend on getting them removed, plus it is painful and costs a lot more than getting them done. All I said to the person was "no."

This question is one for the ages as well, probably the stupidest one to date. This is in reference to my mom and dad tattoo that is on my inner forearm. "Oh, cool tattoo... did they pass?" The answer was just a simple "No."

This ties directly into the commercialization of tattoos with shows where pompous asses tattoo people. A la L.A. ink, where the COOLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD  Kat Von D tattoos people on t.v. Note, she hardly ever tattoos anyone anymore because she has realized that she has to do other things to stay on t.v. so people still think she is still valid.

This commercialization of what people see on t.v. equates to people asking questions like the above, because they think that is the only reason why people get tattoos that show that they love someone is because they kicked the bucket. These shows have really taken out the heart of tattooing, (and a lot of other things that were in my life prior to their existence on t.v.) and eaten it's soul for breakfast. Which irritates me to my core, at least all of the fad shows on t.v. like axe men and such are waining in popularity that way the soul can return to what is right in the world.

When I have tattoos, I know that not everyone is going to like them, I am not going to kid myself and say otherwise or try to convince people that they are good. Frankly, I tried the whole getting people on my side and it doesn't work. The important thing, is that if you have tattoos you did it for reasons you aren't going to regret down the road. Obviously, a tribal arm band doesn't fall into this category, because we all know that you were in a frat in college in the 90's.

Moreover, I find that I get more looks and scowls from people my age (early 20's) than my grandparents, who have made it clear that they don't like them, but they don't go out of their way to make it known, because they know that, they are who I am and I am their grandson whom they love. My very redneck uncle (I mean that in the best way possible) even said that he liked them. This shocked me quite a bit.

But back on topic, a quote from most people with tattoos and tattoo artists, is that tattoos can act as a window or a door. They allow people to look in, and keep out the ones that you don't want around you.

Keep this in mind and then keep your traps shut. Maybe I should heed my own advice... noooooo. I don't work like that, everyone knows that.


-WCNJ

WCNJ driving school part 2

Good afternoon on this gloomy oregon coast day,


Disclaimer: I don't condone doing these things, they are dangerous and stupid all of which could easily cause a very serious car wreck.  This is written purely for entertainment purposes. I will not be held responsible for your stupidity and negligent activities. 


Today class our lesson will be focused on distractions on the road. These distractions are of course the devils handy work, but alas, he can't be bothered with such small things as causing you to hit a deer or small family pet. That is where I come in. Or more specifically where you, the passenger comes in to all this.

We will start by addressing some of the common distractions on the road. (And how normal society says to avoid them)

As a passenger riding shotgun your responsibilities are endless, think of it back to the olden days of stage coaching when the passenger did actually have a shotgun that they had to use. Except modernize it a little bit. This guide is written for those that truly want to increase their friends driving ability. And shirk all responsibilty, all while having a gay old time with it.

1. The music situation in most cars
-Most people say that music is not a distraction when kept at a low level, this allows you to continue to hear what is going on around you, both in the car and out. The question is, how do we use this to our advantage and allow us to distract said driver?

The answer is quite simple, the unwritten rule is that the driver controls the music.  All you have to do as a passenger is wait until you are on the road and then begin changing settings without the drivers consent. This of course will irk the driver so bad that they will then take their eyes off the road and re adjust the station.

A driver taking their eyes off the road is the core foundation to becoming the king of poor passengers. As their eyes are off the road, proceed to scream at a very high level, tense up and stomp both feet on the floorboard. The driver will then quickly snap to attention, and proceed with evasive driving tactic #1. Usually this is stomping on the brakes, for best effect make sure that no other cars are around and the road is fairly dry.

2. Unbuckle your seatbelt and random intervals
- A driver with a passenger un-buckled can also receive a ticket, as well as you. This will always cause the driver to become furious and frustrated because seatbelt tickets aren't cheap. Keep in mind that you will probably get one as well. Doing this once again takes his/her focus away from the road and on you. It is then at this point that you once again use this to your advantage, do something that could frighten the driver such as  screaming "I'm going to kill us all! and go for the steering wheel."

3. Roll your windows up and down randomly.
- This one works the best when the driver doesn't have a window lock, or they are manual windows. It is pretty self explanatory. But make sure that if it is cold or wet out that you and the person sitting directly behind the window is prepared for such an action. At this point, you need to decide what you will do the driver, but the options are unlimited.

As a backseat passenger sometimes you feel cutoff from the world, obviously there is a good reason. More than likely you are slow, because you couldn't call shotgun in time. But there are still ways that you can get the driver and make their life suck really bad

1. Put your feet in their seat.
-pretty much self explanatory as well.

2. Work as a team with your fellow backseat passenger and play violent games that require roughhousing.
-This one should be pretty obvious

3. Pick fights in the car.
-You are in a confined space and no one can walk away, the driver then has to become referee.

4. Find a long object and poke the driver and passenger
-This will more often than not start a fight

5. Invent your own language/speak in tongues.
-Don't explain it to anyone, it will annoy the crap out of everyone.

There you have it folks, how to annoy/distract the driver to the point where they will want to go insane, it is up to you where you go from there. There is one thing to remember, and that is the driver has the ultimate final word. If you decide to stop for gas, or step into the store, there may not be a car waiting for you when you get back.

Next time class, we will be discussing, counteractions of these measures for the driver. If you utilize those properly, your buddies or girlfriends will never want to play the part of Satan's minions again.

Next class: Driver beat down (How to stop stupid passengers)
Time:         Whenever I feel Like it